Longing and Love

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Always a bridesmaid, never a bride
Is what I think as I see the two of you together
You so smitten, not able to let go
She, barely able to stand the sight of you

It’s not that I want you for myself
No, I don’t want you
What I want is the wanting
Someone to see only me

If you can’t be with the one you love, love the one you’re with
Is how I feel when you take me in your arms
But my jelly jar is always left half-empty when you leave
And half of something just won’t do anymore

Knowing that someone would die to be between your legs
Feels good at first, yes, it does at first
But when the inner longing is left unsatisfied
The heart grows cold and curses the body for its deceptions

© 5/14/00 – Ms. GD



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I can not sleep
My heart is so full of love
For Him
For Her
How can I sleep when
Every breath
Reminds me of this beauty
This peace that rages in my heart
Like cold fire
To be one with Him
And with Her
My joy
Too much to express
Too painful to hold
This heaviness of fire and ice
In my soul
I am in love with Me
And with He
And with She
Broken into so many pieces
Yet still one whole
I see God’s true face for the first time
And I am home
I am complete

© 9/18/02 – Ms. GD


Crane pics found here

Forgiveness For You And For Me

Sometimes you just have to give yourself a damn break and move on…

Waiting for Johnson

While waiting for Johnson I sit and reflect on the day’s events
I have a lot to tell her and I am anxious to get it all off my chest
Johnson is a very good listener
And she is always there for me
Even after I’ve unloaded all my problems on her
I love Johnson but not in that selfish, all or nothing way I sometimes do
When I have let a person become so dear to me
What I feel for her is pure and true and
Not clouded by sex or bogged down by the weight of the luggage
I cart around from relationship to relationship

When she finally arrives, I breathe a sigh of relief
I love the look of her
Tall and
Gaunt but
Still so appealing with her buzz cut, pale blue eyes and very French nose
The trench coat and gold wire rimmed glasses are a classy touch as well
So thirties is she
So Brassaï
We kiss our hellos and I begin to break it down

She has left me again I say, or rather, another one has left
Lost interest
Gave up
Grew tired of me
I try so hard
I always pick the wrong ones
I am a doormat
Too clingy
Too wishy-washy
I don’t know what I want
Not beautiful enough
Not thin enough
Not intelligent enough to keep her
Why me

She looks at me and smiles
She pulls me close and lies her head on my shoulder
You smell good she says
Did you just take a bath
I laugh and kiss her on the bridge of her nose
Be serious I say, I am a complete and utter mess right now
You are always a mess she says, completely and utterly
I laugh again and close my eyes
It hurts Johnson
Being walked away from hurts and it never stops hurting

I agree, she says
Your stigmata will never heal
If you continue to let yourself be nailed to that cross
That one cuts me to the bone and I stand straight up
You know it’s true, she says
You are too willing a sacrifice
They smell you coming
I nod my head, too embarrassed to speak
She stands and takes my hand
Let’s go back to your place, she says
I’ll make tea and read to you from Alice In Wonderland
Everything will be just fine my love
I promise

© 7/14/01 – Ms. GD



Forgiving hand pic found here

Two Short Poems About Love, One About Lust

Invitation
I have a birthmark
Shaped like the Black Sea
Just on the inside of my thigh
Right at the top
Just below my bush

And if you ask me just right
One part longing
Two parts begging
One part unquenchable desire
If your lips curl in just the right way

I might let you lick it

© 08/12/96 – Ms. GD





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Angels sing you to sleep
On a bed of nails
This pain is nothing
Compared to the loss of my love
The fly in your ointment
Your squeaky wheel
I refused you
My cruelty knows no bounds
And neither does your love

© 9/20/01 – Ms. GD

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Eager to taste life
I drank palm wine from your hand
Drunken passions set adrift
Sobriety rescued me too late
Your love already a blue stain
On my still lips

© 7/28/01 – Ms. GD



Bleeding heart pic found here

Why We Do The Things We Do

What drives you? Writing and dreams are my guiding force. Without them I would wither and die.


Why I Write

I write this poetry for the masses
For all the people in this world
Who don’t understand
Where I’m coming from

I write this poetry because I can
Because I know how to turn a phrase
That will make you think
Nod your head in accordance

I write this poetry for the future
So when I close my eyes for the last time
And all my shit has been divvied up amongst the living
This part of me will still live on

I write this poetry for God
I send Him my prayers
My thoughts and feelings
My anger and my love

I write this poetry for myself
So I can look back on where I was
Then smile
When I think how far I still have to go

I write this poetry to clear my head
When I have had more than my share
I empty my mind onto a blank page
So I can sleep at night

© 7/3/02 – Ms. GD



Dreams portrait found here

Hope and perseverance in the face of great adversity.

My niece is very special young woman. She’s had more hardship and strife in the first twenty years of her life than many people have had their entire lives but she never gives up and always has a smile on her face. She’s a top athlete, a dancer, a volunteer and an excellent student and I am so proud of her! If it is true that God has a plan for all of us then I pray that I am around to his plan revealed in her because I know it will be extraordinary. I wrote this poem for her on the occasion of her 16th birthday.

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For Sarah

Suffering is the price you pay for living
Joy is your reward for strength
Patience is the name of the road to Nirvana
I’ve seen it in your eyes
Nirvana
Reflected in the looking glass of you
All knowledge was yours at birth
But unlike the rest of us
You kept it safe
Hidden away in your heart
Holding you steady
Centering you
A citizen of the universe
From it but not of it

© 9/21/02 – Ms. GD


Photograph found here

Missed Opportunities

More “love” drama comin’ atcha!


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If I capitulate
If I give in to your demands
What then?
They say love waits for no one
And they are usually right about these things

The last time I saw love
She was standing in the lobby
Of the building where I used to work
She invited me out for coffee
And I said yes
Because I didn’t have anything better to do and
Because I couldn’t bare another evening alone

We walked to the diner in complete silence
We must have looked strange together
She looking up into the twilight sky
I looking down at the cracked concrete
I could hear her quick, deep breaths
I smelled her cologne
I could feel myself falling in love

We sat in a booth close to the window
And she began telling me the story of her life
She spoke of her pain and loneliness
Of her need to be more than just an experience
She told me about how she cried
When she heard Tupac had been murdered because
That was the beginning of the end for her

Her hands were an excited blur
And she spat a little when she talked
And she couldn’t believe I’d never tried weed
But she said she understood my fear of clowns
And why I never learned to swim
Because too much water frightened her also
And good gracious wasn’t it nice to finally meet a kindred spirit

Then just like that she stopped talking
And, I suppose, waited for me to say something
So I blinked
I cracked my knuckles
I cleared my throat
I sat up straight in the booth
And excused myself from the table

In the ladies room I stood in front of the mirror
And tried to understand what had just happened
Be careful of what you wish for is what they would say
But I did wish for her and here she is and here I am
Shaking like a leaf
When I came out she was gone
“Ten minutes” the waitress said, “ And she paid the check too”

Do you understand now why this is so hard for me?
Do you understand why I can’t give in to you?
They would say I’m a fool but I can’t help but think
If love couldn’t wait for me
Why should I think you would?

© 7/25/99 – Ms. GD



Landscape pic found here

Love Changes

You remember what it’s like in the early stages of love, when everything is new and you think this is it, I will never feel this fabulous again? And then the other shoe drops and you realize you made the biggest mistake of your young life? Even bigger then leaving the school office and immediately blabbing to all your friends that there’s a new boy in school and he’s as ugly as an angry troll only to find out that the new boy is your friend’s little brother?

Well I wrote this poem during just such a time in my life. Enjoy the foolishness of my unprepared heart and the hilarity that will inevitable ensue…


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my love, you change like the seasons!

your spring is cool, laid back and easy. the scent from your budding flowers fills me up as i cuddle up underneath your blanket of warm grass. ladybugs tickle me as crickets sing me to sleep. is this what it was like in your womb? i can't remember...

summer is just too damn hot! but i take it like a woman. i strip down to my first suit, slide on my shades and stand right in front of your sun until i am black as Africa! it hurts sometimes but i don't stop. i know your heat will cleanse me. i always feel born again after being with you...

in fall you are beautiful! all decked out like Joseph in your leaves of many colors. you blow me a kiss and it is crisp and bracing and makes me hungry. i feel like sitting on our front porch and just watching you dance around the lawn, twirling around in that coat. i eat the warm stew you made me and i think about how nice it is to be loved by you...

winter is when you are at your sweetest. you make me hot tea, just the way i like it, lot's of lemon and brown sugar. let's go outside you say. what? it's 20 degrees out there! but you pull me to the door and we run across the icy ground. your laughter blows straight through me, catching me off guard, like a draft right up my wool skirt and across my naked thighs. i am freezing but i will do anything to be with you. we run until we are out of breath and then we sit on that cold ground and hold hands. we say, "I Love You" at the same time...

my love for you is the only thing that will never change!

© 06/28/96 – Ms. GD



Frozen heart pic found here

Wistful Summer Haikus

Summer’s soft breezes
Remind me of you and I
Before love’s late fall

God is always here
His warm hands guide my fingers
Across my keyboard

One hundred degrees
Ninety-seven in the shade
Summer in Houston

© 7/13/06 – Ms. GD

The depths of suffering…the depths of love.

I’ve wanted to start a new blog but I couldn’t think of anything worthwhile. Well my poetry isn’t really worthwhile but I like the idea so here it is. Some of my stuff rhymes and some of it doesn’t. I like Haiku so you’ll be seeing some of that as well. I don’t really have a specific plan so I might change direction. Who knows! We will take this as it comes.

My first entry is a poem I wrote four months after my ex-boyfriend killed himself. He was my first love and we didn’t end on good terms so it was very difficult for me when I found out about his death. My feelings of loss were compounded by the fact that he was afflicted with paranoid schizophrenia and refused to take any medication. This meant he’d been suffering terribly and that suffering lead to his decision to take his life.

In the midst of such great sadness was one bright spot. In one of his few moments of clarity he decided to call me, about three months before his death. I was able to tell him how much I loved him in spite of all our drama and he was able to, I think, gain some peace of mind.

The Deep
For William

Down
Into
The deep
I dive
Flesh covered submarine going
Down
Into
The deep
Of your dark water
Dive
Straight
Down
Past the seaweed
Past the place where dolphins sleep
Past the point of no return
Down
Into
The deep
Pressure sits down hard on my chest yet
Down I go
Into
The murkiness of you
Where the fish are saber-toothed
Where the fish are lit from within
Where the fish laugh and tell you lies
Way down
Into
The deep
Of your mind
Come with me
I say
Holding out my webbed hand
But you slap it away
I love you
You say
But this is my home
Way down
Here in
The deep
But you weren’t born here
I try to argue
Don’t I look like you
But you’ve never seen your reflection
So how would you know
Way down
Here in
The deep
As you like
I say
Stay here and drown
And I rise
Rise up
Straight up from
The deep
Of your mind
Your murkiness
Left behind
But not the memory
Of you
Down
There
Way down
Floating
In
The
Deep

© 6/29/00 Ms. GD