Forgiveness For You And For Me

Sometimes you just have to give yourself a damn break and move on…

Waiting for Johnson

While waiting for Johnson I sit and reflect on the day’s events
I have a lot to tell her and I am anxious to get it all off my chest
Johnson is a very good listener
And she is always there for me
Even after I’ve unloaded all my problems on her
I love Johnson but not in that selfish, all or nothing way I sometimes do
When I have let a person become so dear to me
What I feel for her is pure and true and
Not clouded by sex or bogged down by the weight of the luggage
I cart around from relationship to relationship

When she finally arrives, I breathe a sigh of relief
I love the look of her
Tall and
Gaunt but
Still so appealing with her buzz cut, pale blue eyes and very French nose
The trench coat and gold wire rimmed glasses are a classy touch as well
So thirties is she
So Brassaï
We kiss our hellos and I begin to break it down

She has left me again I say, or rather, another one has left
Lost interest
Gave up
Grew tired of me
I try so hard
I always pick the wrong ones
I am a doormat
Too clingy
Too wishy-washy
I don’t know what I want
Not beautiful enough
Not thin enough
Not intelligent enough to keep her
Why me

She looks at me and smiles
She pulls me close and lies her head on my shoulder
You smell good she says
Did you just take a bath
I laugh and kiss her on the bridge of her nose
Be serious I say, I am a complete and utter mess right now
You are always a mess she says, completely and utterly
I laugh again and close my eyes
It hurts Johnson
Being walked away from hurts and it never stops hurting

I agree, she says
Your stigmata will never heal
If you continue to let yourself be nailed to that cross
That one cuts me to the bone and I stand straight up
You know it’s true, she says
You are too willing a sacrifice
They smell you coming
I nod my head, too embarrassed to speak
She stands and takes my hand
Let’s go back to your place, she says
I’ll make tea and read to you from Alice In Wonderland
Everything will be just fine my love
I promise

© 7/14/01 – Ms. GD



Forgiving hand pic found here