Just Another Night At Your Local Male Strip Joint

Do these ladies look, and sound, like they're having fun or what? I must admit, I've never seen anything like this! I've seen strippers but they had to keep it...clean. These guys are something else - Ooooooo LAWD!

Just A Touch Of Self Love, A Little Bit

Masturbation is good. Masturbation is good.

Those of us that do it would never admit it to anyone and those of us who don't do it really wish we could without feeling dirty, pathetic or guilty as fuck! Personally, I don't trust it when someone says they don't masturbate.  And I trust it even less when they rationalize their lack of monkey spanking by saying they just don't get off to it or they can only get off when with another person. What a load of bullshit and how sad!  I'd hate to have my sexual enjoyment unalterably linked to another person.  What if I hit a dry spell and didn't fuck for weeks, months or years?  And if I can't take care of my needs myself then that means I'd be constantly on the hunt for new mates. Just the thought of having to depend on another person like that for something so simple makes me want to gag!

And before you say it, yes I know there of tons of things I could do instead of masturbate.  That's the other way people rationalize things by saying that instead of attacking the snatch they exercise, pray, knit, walk the dog, clean the house, read a book or rebuild a carburetor.  All those things are wonderful but it just seems like so much work when all I need to do is hop in the shower for fifteen minutes and let my shower head do the work!

Listen, if you don't want to touch yourself I can't make you.  Besides, better educated and informed people have been trying to get the word out for centuries and our world has been debating the merits as well as the disadvantages just as long so if you haven't been swayed yet then maybe, like that dating book, you're just not that into it?  Or maybe I just need to keep shouting it for you?  

Masturbation is good. Masturbation is good.

Just keep repeating that to yourself until you believe it. And in case you're still not sure, please know that Ms. GD supports you in all your masturbatory endeavors and so do many others! Did you know that May is National Masturbation Month? Well of course you didn't! But even though it isn't a government recognized celebration (Or May) doesn't mean you can't diddle 'til you're satisfied. So no matter if you use your hands or some sort of mechanical device, it's all good people...all good!

Masturbation is good. Masturbation is good.

  

If you watch him he will cum...

Have Yourself A Merry Little (Bollywood) Christmas

Have yourself a merry little Christmas,
Let your heart be light
From now on,
our troubles will be out of sight

Have yourself a merry little Christmas,
Make the Yule-tide gay,
From now on,
our troubles will be miles away.
Have Yourself A Merry Little Christmas - Ralph Blane

Thanksgiving? Done! Christmas? In progress and this year with extra curry!

Last Christmas I spent my holiday chilling in front of the television/computer with hours upon hours of Bollywood movies. Now at first glance you might think Christmas and Indian Cinema are polar opposites right? After all Christmas is, at its heart, about Christianity and with only 2.3% of India’s entire population of 1,129,866,154 being Christian you’d also think there wouldn’t be many movies devoted to the miracle of Christ’s birth…and you’d be right!

Most of the movie characters are Hindu with a smaller yet still significant number being either Muslim or Sikh. This is representative of the county’s inhabitants so no oddities there. But I still sense a quizzical luck upon your faces – Why Bollywood specifically during Christmas?

Most of these features are three hours long and I’m so busy during the rest of the year now that I don’t have time to devote three hours to one movie let alone two or three. Also, because of cultural differences there is very little sex and violence. Times are changing and the Indian censors have had to change with it but for the most part the only sex you’ll see is an occasional kiss on the lips. And violence isn’t nearly as gratuitous as it is in Hollywood; most violent themes are reserved for violent films. And the abundant musical numbers never cease to satisfy the gay man in me! Add to that all the beautiful colors and these wonders are truly a feast for the senses! But what is the most important reason for my yuletide ananda? Most of the themes are about love! Romantic and familial love are the most popular themes but love of country and the Indian way of life are a close second.

So again, why celebrate the birth of Jesus with Bollywood movies? Why not? Sure, I could watch It’s A Wonderful Life for the millionth time but why would I when I have such an profusion of fun and family friendly movies to watch? All that dancing and singing and love just makes me feel happy to be alive and I’m alive because of God’s grace and because that little baby born in a manger so many years ago later died on the cross for my sins.

Didn’t think I could bring it home did you? Fooled ya!

Movies on my Christmas Must See list
Namastey London
Mujhse Shaadi Karogi
Hera Pheri
Dhoom
Dhoom 2
Chori Chori Chupke Chupke
Bhagam Bhag
Jaan-E-Mann
Mannat
Kal Ho Naa Ho: Tomorrow May Never Come
Jhoom Barabar Jhoom
Umrao Jaan
Hote Hote Pyaar Ho Gaya
Omkara
Silsila

Musical numbers from two of my favorite movies

Woh Ladki Hai Kahan from Dil Chahta Hai


Nimbooda from Hum Dil De Chuke Sanam




For more entries on this subject click here.

So Cute You'll Puke Puppies And Baby Ducks!

God I love Chris Brown! And I am so happy he's eighteen because now I can have my masturbatory fantasies and not feel like the worlds biggest perv! But back to the unmitigated severity of cuteness in this video - be warned, Elmo AND Chris singing and dancing on Sesame Street could make a person shit Munchkins, Teddy Bears and Shirley Temple!  Roll It!

Who The Hell Am I?

Your Power Color Is Lime Green

At Your Highest: You are adventurous, witty, and a visionary. At Your Lowest: You feel misunderstood, like you don't fit in. In Love: You have a tough exterior, but can be very dedicated. How You're Attractive: Your self-awareness and confidence lights up a room. Your Eternal Question: "What else do I need in my life?"

What's Your Power Color?

Your Waist to Hip Ratio is 0.8

You are quite curvy. Most clothes look great on you.

How Curvy Are You?

Your Christmas is Most Like: A Charlie Brown Christmas

Each year, you really get into the spirit of Christmas which is much more important to you than nifty presents.

What Movie Is Your Christmas Most Like?

You Are 36% Angry

You're occasionally angry, but it's really not an issue. While you may give in to your temper once and a while, you're pretty mellow. And as long as your anger doesn't effect your relationships, then it's probably in check. You know that anger is a bad habit - and you don't engage in it often.

How Angry Are You?

You Are 21% Scary

You scare men off ocassionaly, but only very weak men. You're a normal woman. You're not perfect, but you're pretty darn close.

Do You Scare Off Men?

For more of Ms. GD's Blog Things click here.

(Little) Sisters Are Doing It For Themselves!

I am so loving these precious little girls!  They got the power and I ain't mad at'em!

Girls Prep is doing the damn thang yo!


If I'm ever in trouble I hope she has my back!

Sex With Girls

It seems like a million years ago but I really miss having relationships with women...and I miss the sex...

Undone
Zipper’s metal teeth
Open and gleaming
By the streaming light
Of the full moon
Black silk button down shirt
Pulled open over chest
One black sock on
One off
One arm folded behind head
The other

Stroking the cool cotton
Of the dress pulled taut
Across brown thighs
That straddle narrow hips
She smiles
As she pulls the dress up
And over her head
Breasts sway as she leans forward
To kiss the lips of the woman
She has brought home for the evening.

© 5/8/00 Ms. GD

Outside

I want to fuck you outside
Under the wide open spaces
With your cheek pressed against a brick wall
With your cheeks pressed apart
All your feminine glory exposed

I want to fuck you outside
For all the world to see
Watch me kiss you on the nape of your neck
Watch you climb the walls
Make them wish they could be in our shoes

I want to fuck you outside
Soft breasts sealed against hard back
My right hand stroking your tight abs
My left hand stroking your clit
You calling out my name

I want to fuck you outside
Don’t care what your homegirls think
We can make our own rules on how we love
We can find some new games to play
Work our thing like a ghetto Kama Sutra

And when we’re done
You can be the Stud again

© 4/2000 Ms. GD

You Are Not The One

Sometimes loving the one you’re with is just a supreme waste of time. And we’re better than that. Right?

The Person Lying Next To Me

It isn’t love that keeps me here
Just the hope of it
Clinging to the dream
That I will one day awake
And no longer need the person lying next to me
Just something to keep me busy
Just a little something to ease the pain of my loneliness
A distraction
And while I wait
I wonder how you will look
And how you will speak
And what your fingertips will feel like
As they brush against my cheek
And sometimes when she holds me I pretend it's you
And it makes it easier to smile in her face
And come on her hand
And swallow her soggy cigarette flavored kisses
Kools
Menthol
I wipe my mouth on the pillow
Pretending she doesn’t notice
And then I sleep and dream of you
Knowing that one day I will awake
And no longer need the person lying next to me

© 09/06/02 Ms. GD

I’d Still Hit It! – Parte Sei

D'Angelo (AKA Michael D'Angelo Eugene Archer) – Grammy winning R&B singer and Hot Piece of Neo-Soul Trash.

Damn. The first time I heard Brown Sugar I knew this man was something special. No, better than special. He was on some new, New Shit and the whole world would be forced to wake up and take notice! And the world did wake up and she did take notice and what she saw first, as she stumbled groggily from her late 80's Soulless Soul Music coma, was a fine ass R&B crooner the likes of which hadn't been seen since 1979! Oh the 90's were off to a roaring start and Mr. Archer, along with Maxwell and Erykah Badu, was leading the charge!  But as usually happens with musical geniuses, Mr. Archer got caught up in drugs, alcohol and his own ego and changed from this:



And this:


And good LAWD this:


Into this:


But do you know what the truly twisted, sick and totally fucked up part of all this is? I’d Still Hit It!

D'Angelo – Lady


D'Angelo – Me And Those Dreamin Eyes Of Mine


Let this be a lesson to all you vain, self-centered types: yes drugs can help keep you pretty but once you throw that monkey from your back and choke him to death with your laptop power cord you will immediately (And by immediately I mean "instantaneously") gain copious amounts of weight so it's best to just leave that shit alone and eat right, exercise and get some damn sleep! – GD

For more I'd Still Hit it! click here.

Parliament Is In Session!

I'm still sick *cough* but I just had to post these fantastic Parliament-Funkadelic related tidbits before I coughed and limped off to bed.

I found this on The Onion. It's old but still funny as hell!

Clinton Threatens To Drop Da Bomb On Iraq
FEBRUARY 25, 1998 | ISSUE 33•07

CHOCOLATE CITY—In an address before an emergency session of Parliament Monday, George Clinton said he is prepared to drop Da Bomb on Iraq if Saddam Hussein does not loosen up and comply with U.N. weapons inspectors by the Clinton-imposed deadline of March 1.

"For Saddam Hussein to refuse to let U.N. officials inspect Iraqi weapons facilities as per the terms of Iraq's 1991 Gulf War surrender is decidedly unfunky of him," Clinton said. "While the decision to drop Da Bomb is never an easy one, unless Saddam gets down with this whole U.N.-inspection thang and seriously refunkatizes his stance by March 1, we will have no choice but to tear the roof off Baghdad."

Preparations for the military strike, dubbed Operation Supergroovalisticprosifunkstication Storm, are already underway. The Mothership is ready and on standby at Starchild Air Force Base in Detroit, where more than 5,000 bop gunners are making final preparations for deployment to the Persian Gulf. Clinton has also ordered an additional 2,500 Aquaboogie Amphibious Assault units to the Gulf, bringing the total P-Funk Nation military presence in the region to 23,000.

According to General William "Bootsy" Collins, the primary goal of the ground assault is to breach Hussein's presidential palace, capture the Iraqi leader, and "put some serious funk in his trunk."

Collins acknowledged that the mission would not be easy.

"Saddam's palace is heavily fortified. In the front, it's protected by several dozen towers manned with armed guards, and in the back, there's a 50-foot high hump—so high you can't get over it and so wide you can't get around it," Collins said. "Having our men attempt to attack from the front would be suicide: If we are to have any chance of entering the palace and funkatizing Saddam, we've got to get over the hump. After all, if you want to capture a boogie, you've got to attack from the back."

Despite the difficulty of the task ahead, troop morale is high. "As a soldier in the army of Uncle Jam, I have pledged my full groovallegiance to Commander-In-Chief Clinton," said Lieutenant Bernie Worrell of the army's elite 72nd Promentalshitbackwashpsychosis Enema Squadron. "I am fully prepared to give up my life for the funk. To the rear... march."

"Executing political adversaries, shunning foreigners, condemning America as 'The Great Satan'—that Saddam is one uptight cat," Mothership captain Eddie Hazel said. "For too long, he has ruled Iraq with neither a glide in his stride nor a dip in his hip. At this point, our only remaining option is to drop a serious funk bomb on him."

Clinton's ultimatum before Parliament was met with high praise from numerous top-ranking Chocolate City officials, including Secretary of Education Richard Pryor, Secretary of Fine Arts Stevie Wonder and First Lady Aretha Franklin.

"Saddam has two choices," Pryor said. "Get down or step down."

While polls indicate that Operation Supergroovalisticprosifunkstication Storm enjoys strong support among Chocolate City residents, many residents of the city's less funky vanilla suburbs question its purpose.

"Why are we dropping Da Bomb on Iraq if it's only Saddam we're after?" Peter Strosser, 37, said. "If Da Bomb is dropped on Baghdad, the bootys of countless innocent Iraqi civilians will be tragically loosened. Is that what we want, to turn millions of decent, reserved Iraqis into free-spirited, dance-crazed party people? I think not."

"The effects of dropping this 50,000-megafunk bomb on a heavily populated city like Baghdad will be devastating," said Linda Sue Strelczyk, president of Suburbanites Against Da Bomb. "At ground zero, the explosion will give off a horrific, blinding flash-light, causing untold millions who look directly into it to get totally freaky."

Responding to the anti-Bomb protests among the unfunky, Clinton made an impassioned plea for unity.

"In times of crisis such as this, we must stand united, not divided," Clinton said. "We must join together as one nation under a groove, getting down just for the funk of it."

This is one of my new favorite commercials! This makes me laugh every time I see it!

Having cute little kids dance to We Want The Funk? Priceless!

Okay...another coughing fit...gotta go! - GD

Lost And Found

I'm still sick and I hate it!  I've coughed so much I have a headache and my appetite is nil.  This is how I know I'm getting old.  UGH. Anyway, here's a poem I wrote a long time ago. There seems to be a little history repeating here. Funny that...

How I Lost Her

I used to be able to know things but
My knowing has up and disappeared

I wish I could get her back but I don’t know how
My La Loba, my Wolf Woman, has deserted me
And I don’t really blame her for doing so.

When she said go left
I said go right
When she said not to trust that one
I said that one loves me

I was foolish, I know
How could I have disobeyed her?
She who has lived in my soul
Since the beginning of time

When she left not a word was spoken
Her hand came away from mine
She changed into her wolf self
And ran away to play with her sisters

It will take some time to find her
It will be difficult to navigate
The thick and ancient forest of my mind
Without her by my side

But I will remember what she taught me
And we will be one again

And then, feeling rather sick, he went to look for some parsley.

Inside Looking Out

Entropy

Some of us choose celibacy

And some of us have celibacy thrust upon us

I burn incense as I type these words
Teary-eyed
A mixture of Black Love and Rain wafts through the air
And I pause to look at the white smoke coming from the burner
Tonight a man invited me to his home
He wanted me to let him touch me
My soft wet warm folds he wanted to explore with his fingers
I said no

He is a nice man
A lonely man
He is afraid needy funny
Awkward with women
And this is his charm
I am immune
I am numb to almost all sexual feeling
All except the little ones
The ones that sneak in under the wainscoting during the night
They are quickly dispatched by my vibrator
I like her because she is so terse business like
Straight forward and to the point
She gets the job done

I have noticed the difference
How chilled I am
I know this isn’t normal but I like it
Or maybe I have become comfortable
I would call it “just going through the motions” but
I don’t think that
This is exactly what it is
Waiting maybe
What am I waiting for
I would be lying if I said I still honestly believed that
Anyone will show up
Is this what losing hope feels like

The tears well up but they will not fall
Not for this
Just doesn’t seem right somehow
To waste tears on this
The incense have burned out
I will light another
Sandalwood

© 3/25/02 - Ms. GD

Resistance Is Futile

I Want To Be Bad
I want to be bad
Thoroughly reprehensible
Unredeemable
And without favor on this earth
Today was an auspicious beginning
For my decent into depravity
I will remember always this day
This day I threw away my salvation
With the hope of spending a thimbleful of hours
With you, alone in lust’s firm grip

I want to be bad
Despicable in everyone’s sight
Unrepentant
Asphyxiated by my desire for you and
Sent straight to hell
With the taste of your warm skin on my tongue
There I will commiserate with other lost souls
We will keep each other cool with
Stories of hard won passion
Won at any price

© 7/17/07 - Ms. GD



Evocative photo found here